Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Sassy's Deathrock Garden

So I'm in Vegas right now, to pick up Kristina's car. Ms. Honey Bunny is taking a power-nap, which looks like it's going to turn into an all-nighter, and the jury's out as to whether Kwadwo and I have the heart (or lack thereof) to wake her up. We were supposed to go shooting today, but we took a little too long at the Bellagio buffet, and fucking about in the casino. I tried my hand at playing War, which is basically gambling for special bus types who think Blackjack is too math-heavy. Hey, I took trig in college, bee-otch! But Lisa told me she made $3000 playing it whe we stopped by her house in B-town. (That's Bakersfield for you city slickers.) So I tried my hand. I only put in $30, unlike the guy who sidled up next to me and cashed in a grand on chips. I think I could've made a go if I'd have invested more, but I lasted about ten minutes, including the $10 that Honey B fronted me. Just long enough to get my palms sweaty and feel like the guy in that Twiliight Zone: "It's inhuman! It let's you win a little, then it takes it all back!" Kwadwo and Honey had to pull me off the table.

We've been using our "street names." Kwadwo's is Cheeseburger, because that's all he ingests. We had to substitute "Meatball" for it at the Bellagio buffet, though, since they don't have cheeseburgers and he had to fuck up a couple plates of Swedish meatballs. Mine is "Tinkler Sprinkler" for the piss I took in Honey Bunny's backyard. We got here before she did, and my bladder was full to bursting, so I had to call HB and ask if I could pee in her yard. I climbed the fence and started peeing, then Kwadwo started after me. I was still peeing when he was done. Hence the name. Honey got stuck with "Vagistat," since K and I walked by a box of it in Walgreen's, and like all immature males, the "vag" part made us giggle. She wasn't really down with having a yeast-infection-related street name, but we told her you didn't get to choose. Sorry, sweety.

Well, I'd love to regale you with more bullshit, but I've come to realize that Vagistat's wireless keyboard is an utter piece of shit. You have to hit everything three times. So I will just leave you with this photo of the Deathrock Garden which Sassy made for me for Christmas. How rad is she? She's made a Glamrock Garden too...the idea is, for you slow-on-the-uptake types, that it's a cooler version of the desktop Zen rock gardens that drive you batty when you're waiting for the results of your HIV test and you're too stressed out and nervous to make anything good. Don't act like it hasn't happened to you.

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