Thursday, January 06, 2005

Make Sex

Okay, I've come up with a couple new pick up lines that are sure to get me LAAAID in the New Year. Let me try them out on you, dear supple young girl with her hand in her panties. I mean, "Dear Reader."

Line .1: "Do you know who I am?"

"No, why should I know who you are? Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm the second coming of Christ. And if you play you're cards right, you can witness the third coming a little later tonight."

Line .2 "Aren't you going to ask me where I'm going tonight?"

"Okay, where are you going tonight?"


"Japan, really?"


Smooth, huh? Please, ladies, please--form an orderly line to the left of the door. You'll all be serviced in due time. Oh, and another thing: flagrante delicto will no longer be known as fucking, doing it, making it, getting it on, boning, slappin' hams, getting nailed, screwing, humping, what have you. I'm changing it to the charmingly ESL "making sex." As in, "baby, do you want to make sex with me

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