Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Like the Trumpet of Gabriel

When I blow my nose, I don’t fuck around. It makes a loud, trumpet sound which used to make the other kids laugh. I don’t know…maybe my characteristic nasal trumpet is responsible for all those years of anti-social behavior. Maybe a I have my nose to thank for my rugged individualism and counter-cultural iconoclast status. (Full clout, y’all!) Point is, when I’ve got action up there, it’s got to go. No namby-pamby, polite noseblowing for this boy.

Anyway, it’s no secret that the sinuses connect up the nasal passages to the eyes. It’s one big system. Some years ago, I noticed if my honking was extra Gillespie-esque and intense, I could feel air coming out of my eyes. No shit.

So last night, I’m riding home on my bike around 10 PM. It’s cold, I’m tired, I want to get home, and I’m rocking “Liar” by The Jesus Lizard, so I’m putting on some speed. My eyes are watering from the cold air and I’m sniffling like crazy. Finally, a block from my house, I stop to do the farmer snot get-down. I gently lay my index finger aside my right nostril and blow. I didn’t mean to do it all that hard, but I guess I did. Not only did I clear out my nostril, but I blew a bunch of mucous out my eye socket. I don’t know—maybe it was just tears, since my eyes were watering. Kind of stung though.

Though I’d share that

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